Seeds or Fruit

I often wonder how so many different emotions live under one skull.  It's a good thing we have the ability to create new thought patterns.  I can be the exploder who doesn't care what I say or who I say to.  I can't take back the hurtful things that come out of my mouth.  I need to become aware of what triggers these raw emotions so I can work on them BEFORE they spew out.  I have a choice on how to react.  I have a choice!  My way isn't working it only hinders it doesn't help.  I feel like I am always taking great care of Satan.  I pay attention to him, feed him, just like he wants.  Being in Gods will is in my reach.  It isn't unreachable like Satan makes me feel.  I fall into his lap.  1st Peter 5:8 says~ Stay alert!  Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring Lion, looking for someone to devour.  Boy if that isn't the truth.

I can also be a stuffer.  I can find the biggest hole and just fill it for days, weeks and even years.  Not only am I stuffing the hurts but I am stuffing the hope of healing.  I am stuffing the seeds of growth that would grow if they wernt in a dark pit.  People don't have to see my seeds before they see my fruit.  It doesn't matter the seeds I bury that's not what others see.  They can tell who I am by the fruit I carry.  Being weighed down and having no light in the dark places of my heart stunts the growth that God intended me to have. 

I need to ask myself what it is that I want.  What will make things better.  I set the bar too high and I know that the relationships affected can't meet my expectation which festers more anger and bitterness.  So if I really want something from them I have to keep it reasonable.  Healing is the goal.  Not hurting.  What will help things to get better.  Perfect isn't always good.  Imperfect seems to be the way to go.  Be OK with imperfect as long as It's progress, because then it's healing of some sort.  I think I know my prayer tonight!